If you want to go on thinking that women dig guys who're practically bragging about how many times they've been rejected, be my guest. Crushworthy indie guys are a separate subject, I'm afraid, and one that indie guys like myself aren't really comfortable raising, lest we find ourselves wanting to mark up Steve Malkmus's pretty face with the blunt edge of a mint condition Slay Tracks. As to the women worthy of your unrequited pining, though — well, who doesn't love a nice list?

Find your new Scarlett.

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Narrated by Amy Sedaris.
If you watch closely, you can see the poo at the end.

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Fire Truck!

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Hahaha, nice b!, this dude is the coolest.

"Store owners initially called police after customers complained the fresh-baked items smelled and tasted like manure."

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Your Musical Tastes Match: Nicole Kidman

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

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This modern art piece may or may not have been inspired by my sister Fro and me after we found a public establishment to have had subpar customer service.

The question is... what brown matter did we use to create this masterpiece?
Hint: It's not poop.

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Kittens love bunnies!

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Winter project: find David Berman's house in Nashville.

UPDATE: And joiejoie wonders how can i love you if you won't lie down.
Dood tweschon.

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I don't really want to know how to man up.
And if that involves not posting about kitties... well, that's just ridiculous.

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Some guy in the warehouse:
"I've been meaning to axe you, how in tarnation do you walk in dem shoes, darlin'?"

Southern boys? What is tarnation?

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So I've made 1 friend here in Nashville. She is a 19 year old country singer who was friends with the roommates first and was sleeping with Jason but now that's over because she is certainly sleeping with a 40 year old. Her voice is dynamite. She works at a karaoke bar and is propositioned daily by 18-49 year old men. She was going into work last night and mentioned one guy was going to be there who had tipped her $400 one night so she was hoping he would be dumb enough to do it again. Then she mentioned that he offered her $5000 to sleep with him. She refused. Not on moral grounds but because he was too fat and textbook ugly. She said she might have done it for $10,000 and no kissing.
Then Jason pipes up and says he'd give a handjob to a guy for 10K. But only if no one knew about it, there was no lube involved, and no sperm would touch him. He wouldn't do it for 5K, though.

So, girls? Would you sleep with an ugly fat guy for $5,000, no kissing? $10,000? If no, is it moral grounds or because he's ugly and fat?

And straight dudes? HJs for $10,000? Oh yeah, and the other stipulation was the HJ would last no longer than 3 minutes. Would you do it?

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The South is a very weird place.

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Ok, not sure who wrote me this but I sure liked it: (aha! Prez-o-dent George W. Derpinghaus left me a voicemail... your identity is revealed!)

To: annie
From: prez-o-dent bush <prezodentbush@gmail.com>
Date: October 10, 2005 01:52
Subject: Welcome Back to America


Dear Annie,
I hope you got my electronic message welcoming you back to the shores of this fine country, the United States of America. I just wanted to drop you a quick note to tell you that you need to strengthen your resolve. If you're not for us, you're against us.


Yee-haw,
Prez-o-dent Arbusto
---
"There's an old saying in Tennessee--I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee--that says, fool me once, shame on--shame on you. Fool me twice--you can't get fooled again."
-Me

[My friends are comic geniuses.]

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The New Gallimard Translation of My 250-Word French Essay, Sophomore Year.
BY JEFF BARNOSKY
- - - -
I go store. The store is big. The store is bread, where my girlfriend stole her cheese from the cheese store.
My name is Jeff. I saw the ship go on the last subway of my heart. Sometimes, love is bad. Bad love! Bad, bad love is not good. It is bad. That is why store. Store is not love! Love is not the ship!
My name is Jeff. Hello! How are you? I am fine! Hello!
Please? Yes, I do that when my fish feels sad. Does your thing feel the sadness? Sadness is bad for the heart. My heart is my love. Hello! How are you? I am fine.
My name is Jeff. I saw the king of Versailles at the cowboy machine, drinking the wine. I enjoy red. Red is my heart!! I love the red of my love. Love!
Hiroshima, my love. The remembrance of things past. I am Madame Bovary. For a long time I would go to bed early. Hello! Good!
My name is Jeff. What is your name? I am good. How are you? Thank you.
I think therefore I am the man who thinks about the girl who goes to the store and gets the cheese. The cheese is good. Good cheese! Eiffel Tower!
I would like a good grade on paper. Paper is a grade of the good! Cheese. The television shows the Saved by the Bell theater. Cheese Screech! Cheese Jesse!
My name is Jeff. Hello? How are you? Cheese!

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How gay this blog is these days. I'll post more soon but I have no time with the new life and stuffs. For example, this morning I left for work and my roommates were still awake from the night before, some girl was passed out on the sleeper sofa next to a tuba, and there was a stray kitty in my kitchen who decided we were best pals. I get Best Kitty some milk, wondered if the girl on the couch was jailbait, promised my roommate to go to his show tonight, and started the 45 minute drive to the Kentucky border. It's actually a perfect amount of time in the car because you can usually get through an entire album. New Ryan Adams, for example, is good. Also the Fruit Bats. Also the new My Morning Jacket. Also the spycam is out of order because I haven't found the camera battery so go check out Matt's pics. Open forever. So funny.
More poo and kitties coming your way shortly.

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Naughty kitty!

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