I find the language journalists use to describe indecent material, sex, or bodily functions endlessly hilarious:

She allegedly asked him: "Would you like me to massage down there?"

He declined. She charged him $80.

The undercover officer made a second appointment on March 7. But this time, he went with a warrant to search Grasso's home, and when he got the massage, he allowed Grasso to stimulate him. Shortly after she did, he arrested her, Fuhs said.

"If he wants to make the case, that's what he's got to do," Fuhs said.

Sorry, but that line of reasoning is not going to work on his wife.

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Ok, I'll admit I'm in a stoopid humor giddy mood but come on, this is totally hilarious.
And if you think THAT'S funny get a load of.... THIS!

Both links via ultragirl.
(You better watch out or the insects will get you)

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Today's must-read article is brought to you by Bill Bradley in the NYT op-ed:

If Democrats are serious about preparing for the next election or the next election after that, some influential Democrats will have to resist entrusting their dreams to individual candidates and instead make a commitment to build a stable pyramid from the base up. It will take at least a decade's commitment, and it won't come cheap. But there really is no other choice.

Go read it. Do eet, do eet.

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I feel supernerdy for saying this, but what a cool picture!
Holy transparency.

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Seems a bit severe, non?



Haha, butt hole.
More great pictures here.

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So because I liked "I'm Wide Awake It's Morning" so much, I ordered the other Bright Eyes album. I bought the cd through some company in Maryland because with the dollar-euro exchange, it's still cheaper to buy from the USA and pay shipping than to buy in Euroland. I don't know if I wasn't in the right mood this morning, I don't know if it's because I've been listening to Picaresque obsessively, but whatever the case, this album blows. For some reason heartbreak sounds much better with a guitar and so far the only redeeming quality of this purchase has been the hilarious cover art of a boy throwing up numbers into a toilet superimposed on some flowers. No one does weepy pain quite like Conor. I guess I'll give it a full listen and update the post later but I can usually tell by the first three songs of a cd if I'm going to like it or not.
Weepy Techno Pain.

But at least The Onion has it right.

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So I promised, did I not?

This is not a difficult post. The reasons I love Bonnie are easy. She is not only wide-eyed and gorgeous, but she has been a butch fwund from the start. Don’t want to hear about it? Then read another blog. Bonnie taught me from the beginning that no matter what, we were going to be fwunds. At the time, I asked her why and she could only say, “I always knew.” And that is Bonnie for you. She knows. Either you’re in or you’re out. And if you’re in, hoo boy, it’s the best goddamn time you’ve ever had. She refuses to let cliques or groups get in her way; if you’re good enough to hang out, she will find you. I’m sorry, but you have no choice in the matter. She will bring you to her house, she will serenade you with wine, the latest People magazine, and a sheep who stares at you while you pee. She will drain her vin rouge and wudge upon you like… well, it’s not like anything really, you just have to know. Are you jealous? You should be. You can’t have her, she’s mine.

Also: Bon, what's up with clairehuxtibleblog.blogspot.com?? Are you hiding something from me jerk?

UPDATE: Oh man, I forgot how fun drunkblogging is. But seriously, I mean what I wrote.

And to prove it, here is a picture of me having a great time with our favorite person, Don Johnson. The "photoshopping" is so bad it's good.



Don Johnson is of course not his real name but why start calling people by their real names now. This guy is so lame. He is Fro's boyfriend's roommate and Bonnie and I like to pretend we have a crush on him. He was acting all obnoxiously drunk (which, of course, is not tolerated in our group of friends) and throwing empty beer bottles off Bonnie's pier into Lake Mendota in Madison. Bonnie looks at him and gets all pissed off and says, "Do you think littering is funny? Because I don't."
Hahahahahaha. Classic.
What a douchebag that guy is. I hope we get married some day.

Ok so this is straying a bit from The Bonnie Post but now I'm just cracking up at all these pictures. Here is me teaching Stewart how to say "amazing" in sign language. No, it's not really how you say it. Yes, that is a unicorn shitting.




I can't even believe how hilarious that is.
Stewart really had no idea what he was getting himself into.

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Part of working in business is calling people to get what you need to do your job. In Europe, since I work with so many different countries, it's inevitable that I don't know how to pronounce half the names. Some of them are nearly impossible to pronounce and some are just hilarious.

For example, in the nearly impossible department:

Defuns Maik
Xiomara Verschaeren
Hatiboglu Deniz
Ruud de Voogd

And from the hilarious department:

Mike Buijtenhuijs
Cathelijn v/d Meijden
Cees Fonteijn
Wiwit van Wissen

Added bonus: Microsoft Word unintentionally funny spell check suggestions for "Wiwit" include:

Wait
Dimwit
Wowed
Nitwit

Also strange is how I find myself pronouncing my own last name (Klaver) differently depending on who I'm talking to. If it's a Dutch or German person, I'll pronounce it the "correct" or original way, KLAH-fer. But if I'm talking to a non-yermanic person, I'll pronounce it the Americanized way, CLAYV-er. Fittingly, only the Dutch and Germans spell the name correctly without me spelling it out letter by letter.

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You decide.

Why no one ever thought before to name their band "The Rockerz" is just really beyond the scope of my comprehension.

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The Decemberists rock my world! I heart Colin! I haven't liked a band this much since Kris Kross.



Picareque is excellent.
(And, by the by, I still listen to Castaways and Cutouts more than I should admit.)
You can download "Engine Driver" for free here.
The video for "Sixteen Military Wives" is available on BitTorrent but for those without the disk space for such massive exercises can also watch it on QuickTime here.
Not enough?
Read the guru's wuuuhrds as he tries to explain the modern relevance of The Decemberists to the confused NYDN here. If I had to pick a tone for the article it would be: raised eyebrows.
Ha.

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And with this list, I'm done with the Sad Winter Soundtrack.
Time to pep up and move on into spring.



I haven't figured out how to make this more legible but hopefully by the time The Danger of Early April Soundtrack comes around I'll have the kinks ironed out.

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This art-project-turned-blogspot is fascinating. The idea of people sending in their deepest, most personal thoughts on a postcard to a Maryland address seems both voyeuristic for the receiver and liberating for the sender. Some are creepy (the 9/11 one below), some are sad (I will never stop loving her), some are forbidden (I'm in love with my cousin/child), but the ensemble makes for a moving scroll-down experience.

It does, of course, make you think of any secrets that you might keep and are afraid to tell anyone. I have two. How many do you have?

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And what a burp it was! I certainly blew away all of the last seven months of posting, the template, and the six or so people who read our darling BS. I have to say, upon reflection, Blog --> blogger relationship is tenuous at best-- sometimes BS just took up too much of my time and I became too obsessed with checking the Site Meter. The first signs of spring hit Holland and I was starting fresh with so many other parts of my life that I decided BS had to go. But after deleting all seven months and a two week break, I realized that having the blog really did make me feel less isolated. Silly as it sounds, I loved going into work-- knowing no one would be awake for at least another six hours-- and reading the comments or knowing someone had been reading BS while I was sleeping. Sappy? Sure. True? Mais oui. So, without further ado, I will point out three differences the careful reader will find obvious… The Three Major Improvements to BS:

1. CAPITALIZATION. I GUESS IT'S NOT SO HARD TO HIT THE "SHIFT" KEY EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
2. Nospacebarbetweenthelastwordandanexclaimationpointorquestionmark. This is a habit I'd picked up from my European colleagues sometime in 2003. I'm going to try to stop? Yes. But it still looks too clustered to me.
3. Lovely scripty blog format. I liked the black background quite a bit but a little change is good for everyone.
4. More links. With the old BS, I was never very good at keeping the sidebar updated. My Chinese New Year's Resolution is to make it just super. Super, I tell you.

So welcome back. A special post will be devoted to whoever first re-finds this because I'm not going to tell people about it and by now I know your IP addresses by heart, by God.

UPDATE: I am, in fact, busted.

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i like it.

no, i'm not going to see them play in amsterdam friday.
it's st. patrick's day weekend... i'm going to ireland.

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i don't remember who said it or why it's still funny but i'm sure that title came from someone who lived at one point in the fbleau triangle. anyway, is blogger going to be like friendster now where there are fake celebrities, locations, etc ?

or..........................................................

are we really lucky enough to read rosie o'donnell's poetry every day ?!?!

one can only hope.

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next up... the creepy chicken catcher !

click the video under the tag "life just got easier."
pretty spooky.

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jessie was wearing the dress.
see other amazingly embarrassing album covers fwighere.




thanks, ms. huxtable.

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"Splitsville"
by Melissa Brown

Charlie, my darling, my boo
I loved you in Major League II
I'm sorry to hear
That divorce is so near
But everyone knows that Denise is a tramp and whatever, her hair is
probably ALL extensions anyway.

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reason #9845 why i love france: this fax arrived and i just started laughing. it's a beginning of the week marketing push saying that if you order before tuesday at 4p, they will guarantee delivery before the strike.



they also plan the strikes for thursdays so workers can faire le pont (make the bridge) with the weekend for a nice 4 day holiday. gotta admire the audacity in the planning.

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strange... sometimes her columns are unreadable and sometimes they are just undeniably dead on.

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i was all hating on the mac mini for 5 minutes before realizing i had missed the point ? welllllllll, this lappy 436 was new in october and i've nearly filled the hard drive with itunes music. and i had filled the old lappy hard drive with pictures. hm, wouldn't it be nice to have a nice, small, portable place to store all this digimedia ?

so, i'm 95% sure i'm going to get one.

the remaining 5% is whether or not it's possible to hook up a projector (or beamer, or those things you use for presentations, not sure the official name) to it so i can view the pictures or the movies or whatever else is on there. joe millionaire and i loved to pop dvds into the puter and then project them onto the wall for big screen viewing in your living room... and i really haven't found a better way to watch movies outside the theatre since.
and i'll have to have it shipped from the usa (free shipping) because, though it's much more convenient to shop at the mac house in rotterdam, the euro/dollar coversion rate sucks so hard that an 80g mac mini without extras costs $778 instead of $599 (thanks, george).

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this is right outside chez moi, there has been more snow here in the past 2 days than the sum total snowfall of the last 2.5 years. the dutch aren't quite sure what to do; they still ride their bikes everywhere but i haven't noticed anyone preventing Cold Butt Syndrome yet by putting a plastic bag over the seat.



the pic is kinda dark because, even in march, it doesn't get light out in the winter until after 10am...

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a real life rodney the rooster...

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A new study finds drinkers are three times more likely to die from injury as non-drinkers or former drinkers.

surprisingly, all 5 of my concussions and 4 out of the 5 incidents where i've needed stitches did not involve booze.
not obvious, however, was this part:

Drinkers were defined as people who had consumed at least 12 drinks within a year.

the rest of the article really isn't that interesting.

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