Picturesque Fucking is a small village in Upper Austria founded in the year 1070.
Apparently, the villagers didn't find out about the English meaning of the word until Allied soldiers stationed in the region in 1945 pointed out the alternative meaning. Despite the trouble, Fucking residents have voted against changing the name in the past.



Aside from the English meaning, 2 trucs jump out at me here...

1. From my basic yerman, I'm pretty sure "Bitte, nicht so schnell" means "Please, not so fast." Hahaaaa.
2. It's a sign about fucking, and not fucking too fast, and there's a picture of... two kids ? Perhaps related ? Gross, town of Fucking, just gross.

Permanent Link

A Chicken Suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
Please remember my birthday is only 6 months away.
Thank you.

Permanent Link

I was like, hm, should I go see Ted Leo & the Pharmacists in March ? No, I don't even really like that band. But then I looked online for other shows in Holland and holy shit, I'm going to have a busy May.

May 06: Loudon Wainwright III
May 07: Sam Prekop
May 08: The Dears
May 12: Arcade Fire
May 19: M. Ward
May 21: AMERICA

Sweet. I'm going to try to drag the Frenchies with me but who knows if they'll want to go... I'll just tell them all the shows are Jerry Lee Lewis impersonators. Strange but true: they like the Fiery Furnaces and the Unicorns. But who doesn't like the Unicorns ? I'll tell you: gayrods.

Permanent Link

Permanent Link

Phone, mp3 player, Bluetooth, wifi, camera, same size as an ipod.
Now all it needs to have is a button to open the garage door and some space to put your weed in there.
Done and done.

Permanent Link

"It's not normal," she said of her cheese obsession.

Increasingly, though, it's not that unusual. As the variety and quality of American cheeses have blossomed in recent years, the passion of American cheese lovers has intensified. The American Cheese Society, a trade organization, has more than doubled in membership, to about 1,000, in four years, but only 25 percent make cheese.
..........

"It's nice to work with my hands and work with the cheese," he said. "That puts me in a very good place, mentally."

Permanent Link

New Feature on BS !
Since, clearly, I have the answers to all your problems, let's solve them publicly !

We'll start with Anonymous, which will be the name of all entries, who writes:

why aren't you blogging about the team?
is the team not blogworthy?
what gives?

signed,
hurt and confused


Dear Hurt and Confused,

Please accept my apologies for not publicly promoting The Team. Perhaps it's because I was sad to not have joined you for the most recent viewing of our namesake. But fear not, for The Team will be reunited in May and there will be much to blog about. Please also be assured that The Team is most blogworthy, having already accumulated three links. Having waited so long to blog about it, there must be some way to make it up to you. Let me confer with Colin and get right back to you.

Wasn't that fun ?
Please send your problems/questions/fetishes to fwighere@hotmail.com and maybe you too could get published on the widely read Bethlehem Steel.

Permanent Link

Sufjan will honor your state in July but you can hear a preview of the Illinoise here.

I hope he gets to Wisco in the 50 state project before he dies. Seriously, why would he do Illinois before Wisconsin ? Illinois is clearly the inferior state... they don't have New Glarius or Brett Favre.
Weak.

Permanent Link

They say life is cyclical. So after 8 years of playing sports and then 8 years of devoting my life to destroying my body, about a month ago I joined a gym. This is not the point of the post so stay with me here. It’s small, almost all female, and they play techno music. Exclusively. So I bring the Ingrid the Ipod. There are TVs natch, but you can’t hear the TVs over the techno so i read the Dutch subtitles. So it’s a Dutch lesson and exercise ! What an amazing mind/body strengthening combo.

And what are the ladies who run the place doing over there behind the bar ?
Well, what else would they be doing in such an endroit but smoking.
A lot. I love Europe.

So I’m packing up my chuff and the girl behind the bar, Pricilla, and I start chatting. Or more accurately, she starts talking and I start listening. Please keep in mind, dear reader, as this progresses, that I’ve only seen her twice before and only in the hello/goodbye capacity. She tells me about the only time she’s been to America. It was a quest to find a job and an apartment LA and her Moroccan gal pal had booked them an open ticket and a hotel somewhere in Compton. Some Somolian friend of theirs picks them up at the airport and decides they cannot go to the hotel because it’s too dangerous. But they are only allowed to stay at his house for two nights because his mother is flying in later that week. After two days, they have certainly found neither a job nor an apartment and end up in the hotel in Compton which she says had one bed and smelled like stale urine and dead rats. Charming. Her friend is pushy and driving her crazy. After an unsuccessful week of job hunting in South Central, they end up on opposite ends of a doughnut shop both homesick and sobbing. A Korean and a Philippino are in the same shop and ask what’s wrong. After explaining, they offer the girls one of their apartments while the gents share the other one. The girls, defeated, gratefully accept. For a week, the guys bring them food, cigarettes, toiletries, whatever. The first weekend the guys decide to throw a party at the girls’ (really the Korean’s) apartment. Only Asian men show up. Drunk. With scantily clad barely legal Asian girls. The Asian girls start to strip and Pricilla and her friend are encouraged to join in the fun. They do not find this fun but still don’t want to be rude to their hosts. One Asian girl is encouraged to make out with Pricilla’s Moroccan friend. By the time she decides to go out for more cigarettes there are hoots, hollers, and double-sided dildos. She doesn’t go back for three hours and comes back to a fuckfest. She, being Dutch and brought up with the live-and-let-live attitude, calmly goes to sleep next to a large passed-out Asian man. The next day, the two guys from the doughnut shop, apparently impressed with the Moroccan girl’s performance, ask her what one thing she would like to do in America. And the winner is: Las Vegas. It becomes clear that the Korean’s large apartment and easy access to young women come from a very profitable gambling habit. Vegas was the correct answer. Ding. So they pack up and drive across the desert to Vegas. On the way, the Philippino and the Moroccan girl relive last night’s party in the backseat. She is also a kleptomaniac and while the Korean owns the blackjack table, she amuses herself by stealing Prada purses from the casino shops. It’s not long before the security cameras discover her fun game and she’s running out of the Bellagio with a purse full of purses. She hails a cab and so distraught is she at the prospect of being caught, she leaves the one purse with $2000 cash and her passport in the cab and doesn’t realize this until the cab is somewhere further down the strip where she is dropped off. She returns a few hours later in new clothes and demands the Korean repay her with the money he has won gambling. The Korean says he has also lost all his money, though somewhat less dramatically. The Korean is lying. He has in fact run the table and made out with something upwards of $40,000 but has come to loath Ms. Morocco over the course of the past 10 days and refuses to repay her stupidity. The Korean feels sorry for Pricilla for constantly putting up with her friend and asks her what she wants, anything, he will buy it. She wants a plane ticket back to Holland the next day. He buys it and fills her hand with triple digit bills at the airport terminal. He does not do the same for Ms. Morocco; her special gift after another fuck in the backseat is collecting her strewn clothing from the fire escapes and sidewalk below the apartment and finding her way back to Holland without a passport.

Pricilla asks me if I would like one of her cigarettes. Yes. Yes, I would.

Her boyfriend calls. He is a Spaniard named José Gonzales. José Gonzales, before dating our Pricilla, had a girlfriend in Spain for 5 years. But let it please be known that José Gonzales was not faithful to the Señorita. While she stayed home waiting for him, he would be with his Turkish colleague in the office after hours. In five years, she tells me, they never had sex. The Turkish girl would get off by dry humping him and he never achieved orgasm. For five years. I don’t really buy it but nod incredulously anyway. Pricilla says after dating José Gonzales the Turkish girl returned to Turkey, got knocked up, had the baby, and has been trying unsuccessfully in Istanbul to find a good Muslim man who will marry her. Let’s all say a little prayer for the dry fucking Turkish girl.
Meanwhile, Pricilla knew something wasn’t sitting right with José Gonzales, for what man would aggressively pursue an orgasmless 5 year relationship ? Well turns out she was right. Turns out José Gonzales’s cousin, a 19 year old seductress with a penchant for younger men had dragged him into her room to deflower him at the ripe old age of 11. So José Gonzales has issues but she loves him anyway which is sweet in a very disturbing way.

I thank her for the cigarette and say I’ll see her tomorrow.

Permanent Link

Has anyone else seen those banner ads for Lowermybills.com with the stretched out animals ? There's this one with an elongated pig who turns and gives you this creepy, menacing look after about three seconds. The last nightmare I had involved this pig. This banner scares the hell out of me.
The End.

Permanent Link

It's been a while since I posted photos of this crazy place, so heeeeeeeeere we go...

I love how this was done, part of the architecture and all. The old-timey ad is for bleach and is on the corner of a mostly Turkish neighborhood where Caro lives.



This is the view from our favorite sun bathing/people watching cafe. It's quiet here but you can see below how quickly the tables fill up when the sun comes out.



And here's me enjoying a small but refreshing glass of sparkling iced tea. Mmmm.



This is more typical Dutch architecture, in Deftshaven where Caro lives.



Um, are the other shoes made with meat ?




I love this phone booth, probably because it's also old-timey.



Above the cafes are apartments, like where I live on zee Oostzeedijk.



Here's Caro as the streets start to fill up.



A little blurry, but you can see that the shops sell generic Freeway cola, orange soda in arabic, and Hero cassis soda. I think cassis means boysenberry.
UPDATE: rno says: I Just check your "Bethlehem Steel"... For me Cassis is black currant....
ah yes, ah yes, you're right.



I opt for white beer and the flies agree it's a good choice.



She wins the cleavage contest.



Arnaud getting sick of the damn camera.



But still has time to smooch Caro.



Naturally the hottest spot in any Dutch city is the frites stand.



I go hunting for the tubs of mayonnaise and find them. (They fucking drown 'em in that shit, I've seen 'em do it.)



April is tulip season in Holland and the sidewalk stands are stocked up.



Another cafe whose sign promotes Jenever which is a specially blended Dutch gin. All gin drinkers should try it at least once.



Another corner I like.



Here is the street now filled with Dutchies and bikes in the sunshine. On the left is Rotown where all the good shows are played.



So that's all the photoblogging for now.
I'm going to make some tea.

Permanent Link

In the great spirit of stealing, Matt posted his list of things that people in his group of friends are wild over but he can’t really understand what the fuss is about. these are things that are “nice. nice. not thrilling… but nice,” aka the Caesar’s bath meme. The list, as far as I can trace, started here and ended up on JAI from reading Yglasias whose list is fwighere.

I already listed five here, but the fun doesn’t stop there people…

1. Hair gel. Don’t confuse this with “product” which is acceptable in small doses IF you have a kink in your hair or IF you use a bit in moderation to style. For some reason, every guy in Holland seems to think this is the hottest hair style in town. This is not hot. You look like you just emerged from a tub of mayonnaise.
2. Coupons/mail in rebates. I have neither the time nor the patience for this shit.
3. White wine. Undrinkable.
4. Sushi. I’ve tried to like sushi on multiple occasions. After getting past the initial gag reflex, I was lukewarm on the idea until I abandoned it completely, having realized that no piece of sushi is ever served with cheese. Useless.
5. Boxer shorts. Briefs are hotter. Much, much hotter.
   

If you don't agree with me, then you must like being wrong.

Permanent Link

Here.

Permanent Link

I love taking quizes.
This one is great, asking you how you pronounce words and then giving the region in the US where this usage is most popular. Then, as if it could get any better, the result tells you how Yankee or Dixie you are... I think the clincher for Jesusland is not only whether or not you know what a drive thru liquor store is, but also having colloquialisms for them. I know you're dying to know...

I am: 36% (Yankee). A definitive Yankee.

Hm, better start that drawl before September.

Permanent Link

Put away your sad weepy music hipsters, it's spring.
You can't really walk around town in springtime to the gym to get that bikini bod with those earbuds listening to Low or M. Ward, now can you ?
I need more uptempo music. Uptempo !
Also if you want a copy of the below playlist, email me and it shall come from Holland with love and treats...
ehm, if you can read it, that is.




UPDATE: Hi JAI readers. It should be noted here that any taste I might have comes in no small part from the rigorous training I endured at the John Adams School of Stop Listening to Crappy Music. It was only a two year program but the skills I learned there have equipped me for a lifetime of discerning snobbery for which I am eternally grateful.

Permanent Link

"For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn."

Permanent Link

well done mr. solondz

Permanent Link

Who is this?

Permanent Link

At this blogging truc so please forgive me having missed International Poop for Peace Day yesterday. You can still do your patriotic doody today, I'm sure.

Permanent Link

four eyes: anais nin- delta of venus
yes, again.
four eyes: the ancor book of new american short stories
who has time for a full one ?
one ear queer: the mountain goats- sunset tree
still so good.
one ear queer: wilco- summerteeth
my favorite wilco album by far.
beat this song: the fiery furnaces- two fat feet
more addictive than wireless.

Permanent Link

Surprisingly not invented in France: fondue for lappy.

Permanent Link

I guess you need it even if you're not changing jobs.

UPDATE YOUR LIFE: so Nashville it is, then!!!!
Plus, when someone tells you they're just going to have an "informal conversation" with you, don't believe them. It's a job interview. I think I passed.

And just in time for the Grand Ole Opry's 80th anniversary, too y'all!
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw.

Permanent Link

sorry, you sort of had it coming...

Permanent Link

Are you an I-Y?

i kinda want to know what wins. by the by, my itunes does, in fact, start with !!!
hm.

Permanent Link

In graceful rejection of fixated prodding.

Permanent Link

so far is strong bad.

Permanent Link

It's not ADD you have, it's ADT.
Or something like that.
I guess you could also just call it overstimulation.

Permanent Link

Jelly Bones.
But this is love so we'll survive.

Permanent Link

Permanent Link