I know this is sad and stupid and nerdy. Fuck you and stop making fun of me. So I invented a game called iPod War which is based on the old card game War, but for music nerds.
HOW TO PLAY IPOD WAR
The object of the game is to put your music library up against another person's - find out some secret favorites they have, and hope your guilty pleasures don't pop up in an embarassing number.
Playing is simple: In the card game WAR, two opponents split a deck of cards. In each "battle," players would turn over the top card on his or her deck. Whoever had the highest card won the battle and kept the two cards. At the end of the deck, the person with the most cards won the war.
iPod War follows the same guidelines. Two people put their iPods on Shuffle and play music. As each song comes up, whoever has the better song wins the battle. After 10 songs, the person who won the most battles wins the war.
It's not necessary to play iPod war in person (I typically play over instant messenger).
Who decides which song is better?
1. Well, there's a lot of honor system involved. Tell the truth, and don't be afraid to lose.
2. Sometimes its obvious. Like, in my world, even the greatest reggae song would never beat a DEVO song, and if you disagree, chances are I wouldn't be playing (or talking) to you. So that stuff kind of works itself out.
3. When you have two unknowns (you each don't know the other person's song) you each make a case and duke it out. Often it works like this: I may not have heard your song, but I know the band, or the style of music. If you make a case that yours is a really good song, I may give you the win, knowing my song is only okay. If I think my band is better, I probably won't.
4. Variety counts. If you have a heavy rotation of a certain band, they become more vulnerable over time. For example, I think there's hardly any bad Pixies songs, and I have a lot of Pixies on my iPod. If they come up alot during a game, it gets old. So while Monkey Gone to Heaven may be a great song, if it's the fourth Pixies song to come up in a half hour, it's not necessarily invincible.
5. If neither person will concede the win, "Vietnam" is declared (both sides claim a win, but nobody really won). This works like a tie; no points to either side.
6. Older doesn't always mean better. Yes music was exceptionally rad from 1964-1982. Doesn't mean a song from 1995 can't be better.
7. Don't demand a win on principle. (You say: "But the Rolling Stones kick Prince's ass!") Each song should be evaluated on its own merit. (I say: "While The Stones are an important part of music history, there are lots of Stones songs that are mediocre/sucky and some Prince songs that fucking rule.")
8. Counting Crows never wins.
9. Sometimes you have to strongly defend your song. Sometimes you have to concede, even though your song might be awesome. Pick your battles.
A few final notes. To be clear, you are listening to each song. You aren't just listing a song title and skipping to the next song, then the next, until its over. This is a game for people who'd be listening to music anyway.
Having said that, you are free to skip ahead at will. Each person's songs are different lengths, and sometimes it's necessary to catch up with your opponent. Or sometimes you just don't want to hear a particular song.
IMPORTANT: By "you are free to skip ahead at will" I only mean that you don't have to listen to an entire song. YOU STILL INCLUDE IT IN YOUR LIST, BATTLING AGAINST YOUR OPPONENT'S SONG. You can never actually skip any song that comes up in your rotation. They are all judged, in order, against the other person's songs. No skipping or reshuffling if you think it won't win. You are entirely at the mercy of your music library and your shuffle mechanism.
These are really loose rules. You can play to 10, or to 20. You can play for a certain amount of time. You can play until one person has five wins. You can play with two, three, or four players. You can use published lists as the "judge" of which song is best (good for a tiebreaker). You can ban all songs about cheese flavored products. Whatever. Make your own rules.
Obviously this is a game for any mp3 player, or iTunes, or whatever - anything that can randomly shuffle your music.
I am available to play this game from May 21st to May 30th.
Thank you.
