30.11.04
blokes from the island in two conversations
one.
my boss’s name is stephen king. no, i’m not kidding.
he’s british. this was part of our conversation:
ak: when are you going to close the
sk: haven’t set dates in the diary yet. when are you closing ?
ak: dec 27 – jan 3
sk: brilliant, that’s what we’ve been tossing around up here as well.
ak: but i won’t be back until the 6th.
sk: that’s all right, i won’t be back at all.
ak: haha.
sk: i figured you’d want a few extra days holiday after crimbo.
stop.
right there.
did he just say “crimbo” ?
i think he just said crimbo.
i’ve never used this, my favorite substitute for the word christmas, in the office setting, either verbally or textually. and yet, he had just said it. and even though i talk to both english and non-native english speakers all day, i’ve never read or heard anyone else use this word in the 2 and whatever years i’ve been here.
so my questions: where does the word come from ? has anyone else heard it before ? is it british english ?
[UPDATE: thanks tom.]
******************************************
two.
my little lost millionaire called me from a grocery store in the
jm: what’s that wine you said you were drinking in
ak: um, beaujolais ?
jm: yeah, that’s it. how do you spell that ?
ak: b-e-a-u-j-o-l-a-i-s
jm: um, bojobay, mojobleebloo, my name is annie and i’m so french.
ak: whatever dude, buy something crappy then.
jm: ok, ok, here’s one i can’t pronounce but it’s not bojo… here’s crappy white wine… here’s screw-top wine, definitely not getting that… oh i think i see it !
ak: what year is it ?
jm: ahhhh, let’s see… 2002.
ak: don’t get it, you’re supposed to drink it young.
jm: i thought wine was supposed to be old.
ak: i’m telling you, it won’t be good.
jm: (whining) there’s nothing good here. i just want to get a bottle of wine and go back to hers. [he’s adopted the british way of dropping the word ‘house’ when referring to one’s place of living. instead of saying ‘her house’ he says ‘hers’ and instead of ‘my house,’ ‘mine.’]
ak: you’re celebrating, right ?
jm: yeah.
ak: why don’t you get champagne ?
jm: oooooh, yeah, great idea.
ak: then get strawberries. or raspberries.
jm: i was thi—
ak: (interrupting) then complete the trifecta with liquid chocolate.
jm: oh my god. i’m going to get a blowjob tonight, aren’t i ?
ak: yes. yes, you are.
jm: i’m giving you 10% of my bonus.
ak: no you’re not.
jm: you’re right i’m not… but thanks though.
ak: right-o.
you see…
this is why it’s crucial for men to have female friends.
no one loses with champagne and blowjobs.
am i wrong ?
your week in poop pictures
you can't even imagine what grade i would give this sign.
terrible.
i need one of these to avoid that impending public urination fine.
amazing tutorial. whoever made this is probably not a woman who has used a turkish toilet before.
29.11.04
on a scale from 1 to awesome, i'm super great
most of the time it's nice working in holland because there's no corporate hq bullshit i have to deal with. i come and go as i please, there's no dress code or really any rules in the office, and my boss lives on another time zone. the one downside is the 9 hour time difference between here and southern california where all my perfectly tan colleagues work. if you want anything done for europe, you pretty much have to start working again at 6pm... which is what i'm doing now. of course, i'm not really listening to what they're talking about on this conference call blah blah blah... i have the phone on mute and i'm watching strongbad emails.
transitive butt properties & grape nuts robots vs. blah blah strategic planning spreadsheet crap for craps ?
sorry corporate america, i can't be bothered while watching strong bad.
trojans... perverse incentives... infecting...
no, no, you sicko.
i'm talking about joseph s. nye jr's excellent op-ed in the nyt which points out the threat of inertia concerning the current nightmare that is usa visa applications for foreign students. if i may use a business term, his op-ed perfectly illustrates why foreigners in the US higher education system are a win-win situation. not only will the inclusion enrich and increase the standards of our own institutions, but he correctly underlines the value of soft power returning students transport to their own countries. an expert in soft power, (indirect, i.e. value-based or cultural) prof. nye's theories provide constructive alternative methods to export the american value system for those of us who don't believe in tanks, snipers, and 81s. there are and of course should be limits to imposing the american value system, and sometimes we should heed our own advice, but there are certain places in the world where the tragedies are simply too devastating to ignore.
the last link makes it difficult to justify relative inaction by the US and even more difficult to justify the priorities of this administration concerning geopolitical choices for the establishment of that gosh darn liberty and freedom.
sobering monday from a poli-sci nerd.
27.11.04
un modèle
ok so i can't help but think the best wilco tracks on their cds, after a.m., happen to be #5 and #6 with the sleeper hit/grower turned favorite being #2.
prove me wrong.
i see a darkness
and did you know how much i love you ?
i can't get enough of this song. it's my november muse. it's my november savior. it's my november depression. it's my november reason to survive. it's my november love. it's my november loss. it's my november reason to believe. it's my november social skill. it's my november long walk home. it's my november black hole. it's my november hope. it's my november bathtub anthem. it's my november redemption.
well i must say...
it's my november rain.
UPDATE: my puter needs to have a breathalyzer test installed instead of a password.
26.11.04
attention male readers
do you need to break up with your lame girlfriend ?
don't do it in person. don't even use the phone.
write a letter. perhaps you'd like to use this one.
if for no other reason to keep her guessing and keep you laughing hysterically.
you can thank me later.
25.11.04
my vote = fwighere
give mom a hug. not just cos it's thanksgiving, but because she took the number one spot in a poll for the most beautiful words in the english language.
the top ten:
1. mother
2. passion
3. smile
4. love
5. eternity
6. fantastic
7. destiny
8. freedom
9. liberty
10. tranquillity
(more songs at gmail too.)
happy turkey day
is it me or is that phrase just painfully, cringe-inducingly irritating ?
can you see that my hater-speak is a thinly veiled attempt to hide how i'm actually kinda sad that i'm not home for thanksgiving ? good, give yourself two points.
so wherever you are-- at your house, your significant other's house, or pretending to work at an office in holland-- you're probably pretty bored and/or avoiding awkward family interaction if you're reading this. never one to knowingly disappoint, i've found some bizzare reading for you on this new thing called the internet. read the comments, somehow they are just as great as the posts.
these people exist. perhaps they are getting bird flu right along side you.
his blog is a melange between the misanthropic style of irvine welsh (sans tapeworm sketches) and the old timey diction of dickens or the decemberists lyrics. from what i gather, he works in an antique store or some similar endroit, hates his boss ("the old sot") with the fire of a thousand soleil moon fryes, and is trying to find a way to get into his neighbor's pants.
he also has impeccable taste in blog formatting.
oh you just *love* teasers ? here you go:
*********************************
As the cat sat beneath her coffee table and growled, my neighbor apologized over and over, explaining that the beast had often bit her and others, using the same tactic of feigned affection as she tried with me. I of course made light of it all, though it was plain that the foul animal (fittingly named Crackers) is deranged and should have been put out of its misery long ago; if this relationship deepens I am committed to reforming or dispatching the creature.
Though she seemed open to continuing the conversation, I ended my stay at what I considered a gentlemanly length, though not without having some chance to survey her apartment--in general, clean and neat, but not to the point of obsessive fussiness; her shelves were adequately stocked with mostly acceptable books and music and not an excess of plants, incense sticks, or other eccentricities; and her choice of decor, while a bit unimaginative, committed no serious transgressions of taste.
I am to call on her upon my return to the city.
*********************************
(i repeat: these people exist.)
nobody gives you a chance or a dollar
i've long since lost my SSFW tshirt but n'oubliez pas that they still exist.
UPDATE: don't forget to get bird flu today all you sick-ass fowl eaters. better off moving somewhere they don't celebrate that nonsense.
23.11.04
um. timber ?
insert punny "rather this than that" line fwighere.
22.11.04
liveblogging joe millionaire
i'm at joe millionaire's apt and the girl who owns the apt (also our friend kelly's very recent ex-girlfriend) veerle is asking him questions. i keep thinking he is secretly tom cruise with his corny lines.
they are too funny to keep to myself:
veerle: how did you end up working in europe ?
joe: a wing and a prayer.
veerle: how are you and your girlfriend doing ?
joe: great. we're going to write a book about our love story.
veerle: have your parents met your girlfriend ?
joe: no, they think she's an english eurotrash floozy.
veerle: have you been to rome ?
joe: yes. i've been to the hotel right outside the airport for 1 night.
veerle: annie, where did you stay in rome ?
annie: at a hostel.
joe: what's that ?
joe: i would never buy someone else's rolex.
the surreal life.
sense of strange humor is my greatest survival skill.
yerman word of the day
verschmutzt (v.) to become dirty, soiled.
pronounced "fer-schmoo-tz"
ex. Klaus was so excited to have a kolsch, he nearly verschmutzted his pants.
pet peeve #3
i can't fucking stand it when people use apostrophes for pluralization. you pluralize by adding "s," "es," "ies," or some NON POSSESSIVE equivalent. APOSTROPHES INDICATE POSSESSION. when you use an apostrophe + s [update: with a noun] the reader looks for the possessive object to which you are referring. now the new york fucking times has lowered its editing standards to allow the abbreviation of "multiple compact discs" to be bastardized and published as "CD's" ?? the cd's what ? it was so chiant that i couldn't even finish reading the article. what a fucking travesty. i know i do it too sometimes [update: to be clear, i never pluralize nouns with apostrophes and anyone who purposely makes this gross error more mainstream and acceptable should be taken out back and shot. what i meant to say is that sometimes i screw up the agreement of apostrophes, but mostly with words that end in one or more "s" already.] but i'm not a freakin major international newspaper. maybe i should send this to the editors. jesu christo.
next week's pet peeve rant: strollers.
UPDATE DEUCE: a reader emails and says that the past tense of "cc," as in carbon copy on emails, is "cc'd." while i don't like it and have never used it (hello, typing the word "copied" clocks in at 2 keystrokes more than "cc'd," hardly worth the effort and embarrassment) i guess i have to admit that its wide usage dances the acceptability line. in truth, my blood only boils when people use it with pluralization. apostrophes with past tense are only moderately infuriating.
shoulda sucker punched him
the only foreign leader who takes bodyguards to dinner is our very own boy george. watch him as he gets into a very public near-skirmish when security officers in chile tried to refuse entry to secret service agents at the asia-pacific economic cooperation summit dinner.
my texas cohones are bigger than your chilean cohones, senor.
here's a full story.
git yer dirty, yeller, no good keister off my property
before i pump your guts full of lead.
is dat a terdy point buck oder dere ? oh no, dat's just dat crazy guy who's shootin folks up in nordern wisgonsin. oh jeez now youse guys hafta cancel dat ice fishin weekend with bud from oconomowoc, it's just not safe out dere in da northwoods, ya hey.
also, local news people are hilarious. i wonder why they don't give out emmys for "funniest local news team." why your pillow can kill you. tonight on the 9:30 eyewitness news. does anyone take these people seriously ? i bet one could take some of the more outlandish local news stories and put them on "the daily show" without noticing the difference.
17.11.04
like a 1000 page TPS report
omg, i love all day meetings, they are so fun.
now i'm going to go put on my francey pants and won't be back until sunday so have a great weekend doonies of america.
16.11.04
lost control and rang your bell...
more songs at the gmail account dudes.
username = ifmusicismylover
password = youarejustatease
also, i'm sure you'll all be happy to know that i've been working with real live YERMANS all day.
ha. yermans.
happy birthday, ms. rice
first condi... then step aside. good idea for women to be in positions of power but let's hope next time we see this it'll be... hillary !
"powell only intended to serve one term"
well, whatever your bullshit exit strategy, i would get the fuck out of dodge too.
15.11.04
insert "burning bush" jyyyoke fwighere
"immolation is the sincerest form of flattery."
speaking of people lighting themselves on fire, when you guys were black in high school like me, didn't you just love jim carrey as fire marshall bill on "in living color" ? he was the coolest.
it took her 20 shots to get drunk...
...and 20 seconds to make a complete fool out of herself by showing her left breast to a seizure-inducing amount of camera flashes. oh, tara reid, you're my *favorite* hollywood drunk.
not to be upstaged, paris hilton has announced plans to star in her next home porn video with dick cheney (below).
holy cheeseburgers
is that a pacemaker in your pocket or are you just happy to see me ?
ewwwww.
inconsequential article #16
here.
best part:
"To better fit in with her Cannelton High classmates, Kedrova has taken up many of their habits. She now smokes cigarettes and marijuana and also started sleeping around. A straight-A student in Russia, she now has a “D” average. She has also gained approximately 30 pounds since arriving in August and has gotten several tattoos. “As they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do,” says the 16-year-old."
ah, american high school. that layover between the innocence of childhood and the responsibility of adulthood when the global superpower transforms its malleable adolescents into raging sluts.
good times.
14.11.04
dog toy or marital aid ?
you decide.
i got 10/14 and the message "you may be trusted with my dog."
ha.
swing when you're losing
political rant by unqualified overseas observer:
normally i really enjoy maureen dowd's op-ed pieces in the nyt. she is perceptive, has a quick wit, and though further left than i am, lays out her arguments in a clear and insightful way.
but she's losing it.
the nyt as a paper barely tried to disguise their shock, awe, and post-election disdain for bush's re-election; was involved in some last-minute story-break shenanigans to swing ADHD voter moods the weekend before the elections; and even despite their no-surpise-there endorsement of kerry succeeded in establishing itself (now firmly) as a fully functioning left leaning newspaper.
fine-- i have no problem with the nyt leaning left. but maureen's taking it a step further than the obvious editorial board stance by using her column as a vehicle to run bush over and then swallowing the facile anti-truth du jour (that religion is the reason bush was re-elected) hook, line, and sinker. no candidate can play the "selective area campaigning" game. we saw that this year: technological advances in surveying, polling, and acquiring demographic data had the reverse effect of disadvantaging kerry because they deemed certain states--nay, certain entire regions-- as "unwinable." this was the kerry campaign's biggest tactical error.
and now, by attacking the bible belt, the south, and right-wing religious hoo-has, the lid on the proverbial casket is being shut.
guess where the last 3 democratic presidents came from ?
that's right. the south.
we're shooting ourselves in the foot.
you know it, i know it, and hillary knows it.
and she's going to win.
because she is smarter than maureen.
also, by at least 2012, i wouldn't be surprised if the democratic party will have split into two parties. there's no way the moderate end is going to tolerate the hollywood sensationalists and with good reason-- they are completely delegitimizing the democratic party.
MSM doesn't need any help losing cred these days but they're getting it anyway.
UPDATE: althouse is in bad form too, sniffing for freebies.
and for the other side, some people aren't convinced about hillary:
Senator Clinton is correct when she says ignoring the issues is a sign of disrespect to those for whom they hold great importance. Talking about the issues merely for political gain, however, is little more than mockery. If she thinks a successful campaign can't be run by ignoring such issues, just wait until she sees what mockery yields.
eh. seems pretty weak. if bush can be a reformed coke head then hillary can be a reformed atheist. sounds to me like people are afraid hillary has already found a good recipe to win.
UPDATE DEUCE: i can't get enough hillary today. TRUTH:
"There seems to be two schools of thought, A) Hillary would almost certainly lose that while being a woman is far too liberal and caustic to appeal to the middle; B) While being liberal, she would appeal to many women in general who make up approximately 53% of the electorate. I would tend to go with B before A. Why? So few women between 18-59 stay home anymore and most of the women that do and would have a problem with Hillary likely already vote Republican anyways. However it is the 80+% of working women that Hillary could appeal to. Democrats increased their grip on the urban areas in America, however still doing poorly in the exurbs. Hillary the candidate could potentially reverse this, most women in the exurbs work, and the vast majority of those working women are professionals. They can identify with Hillary as a women who has held high-profile jobs while juggling a husband with a high-profile job and scandals and family. It would be dangerous to underestimate the potential strength that Hillary might have among women in general. It is probably true that Hillary might lose some male support in general, but it would likely be made up in kind and them some with added support from women. Even women who usually do not vote might be compelled to come out and vote for 'one of their own.' Want to turnup the vote among young people, Hillary could do it with legions of women 18-29 coming out to support someone they one day hope to aspire."
read it all. do eet.
uh, froski ?
you've been robbed. although, i must say that our homemade
"i heart carbs" tshirts are much more original than this crap.
i guess we knew it was only a matter of time before someone else thought of it...
speaking of crap.
and plus, friends ? when i'm back in december ? all i want to do is watch as many movies as possible, ok ? great.
no words
for how genius this is. none.
i could spontaneously combust right now and not regret anything having seen this.
listen to the mp3 too.
you think i'm kidding ?
i couldn't make this shit up if i tried. seriously. i've never run out of gas in my entire 9 year driving career. never. i've pushed the limits of the citroen c2 several times but haven't ever, in all the cars i've driven (stick shift minivans, seizure-red renaults, neighbors' silver bullets, rental cars, joe millionaire's wheels du jour) totally run out of gas. until tonight. i was in dordrecht, the city where i work, hanging out with arnaud, caroline and the rest of the frenchies. i drove caroline home, which was a bit further than i thought, but still thought that the yellow light on the gas tank would glide me back to oostzeedijk, the place where i currently lay my head. el wrong-o. there is only one major intersection in rottterdam. it's called "weena." it's where you can either go to centraal station, the ring (hwy), or the surrounding areas. naturally, this is where i am pressing the gas pedal and not getting any response. yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is where i officially run out of gas. half-cocked and on my way home. and who happens to be at the roundabout when i step outside my small blue vehicule and start pushing it to the side of the road out of the way of traffic at 2:30 in the morning on a saturday night in november ?
that's right, the rotterdam paddywagon. the frickin police.
if i've ever had a panic attack (yes, frequently) this one was the worst.
hello mr. occifers, yes, please help me push my delinquent vehicle to a spot that's out of the way of traffic, say, in front of the sketchy thai restaurant. that would be perfect and not at all subject to omnipresent rotterdam saturday night vandalism. then, please, while i stand here looking completely stupid, drive to the nearest gas station to see if they have jerry cans of gas only to find out that they're closed. that would also be supremely non-embarrassing. and once you come back and tell me they're closed until monday, please offer me a ride in the paddy wagon behind a thick and secure pane of criminal glass back to my apt. please. seriously, the humiliation can't get any worse at this point. and please believe me when i lie to you and tell you i'm a british tourist who doesn't know how to read a gas gauge and that i'll be sure to stop by the gas station in the morning to pick up a jerrycan, somehow figure out how to fill the gas tank from said jerry can and be on my merry way. jesus, how did i get so retarded. seriously, i must have gotten away with an extra chromie without anyone noticing. to top it off, joe millionaire called from england (wasted) while i was in the paddy wagon. he seemed not to understand why i couldn't chat him up at that moment. HELLO, i'm tipsy and in the rotterdam police van, after having left my out-of-gas car in the middle of the busiest intersection in the second largest city in holland. how the hell are you and your crazy girlfriend ?
seriously, tomorrow, i'm not going to go get the car. rather, i'm going to find the biggest rock in holland and curl up and die underneath it.
what a dumbass. seriously folks.
UPDATE: i made surprisingly few spelling and grammatical errors for writing that at 3 in the morning. also, i'm too lazy to go correct them and would rather leave it in its flawed and authentic state. for those of you who have nicely expressed your concern: yes, the car is back and all is ooootay. aside from an embarrassing fill-your-gas-tank-from-a-green-plastic-5-liter-jerry-can-while-oncoming-traffic-stares-strangely-at-you two minutes, retrieving the car was relatively uneventful. i also remember now that i owe arnaud some glasswear as i am positive that i broke no fewer than 3 wine glasses last night. just in case you're wondering, volleyball is not a safe indoor activity. i did not, however, burn myself or trip over anything. so i've got that going for me, which is nice.
13.11.04
how about "become extinct" ?
a reader who knows how much i love chicken emailed this to me. so, go ahead and type in the non-dirty words like "laugh," "cry," or "jump." but if you want to just cut to the chase, type in "masturbate" and let the hilarity ensue.
12.11.04
lucky 7s
ok, so still mourning the loss of sunday song lyric, i'm going to try a new truc. instead of linking to all music or itunes or whateverthefuck, i'm going to send songs to a gmail address i created so you can download the songs and listen to them. if you want. but i think with some songs you can only download them 7 times before it doesn't let you do it anymore. but i'm not sure cause i'm not really that good at technology or paying attention.
anyway.
naming the address after the song i can't get out of my head these days...
so, go to gmail
this is the user name: ifmusicismylover
and this is the password: youarejustatease
yeah, so, any feedback is welcome.
crimbo pahty
be there. OH YEAH.
ok, ok, last one
can't help it... the picture is too perfect for the link.
plus, how do you go to kopp's and order a freakin' decaf ??
thank you dick for helping me fulfill my weekly cheeseburger quota, but:
LAME.
(via wonkette)
11.11.04
best poop post ever
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
make sure the sound is on.
uh, maybe don't do it at work.
honey, hand me the remote
no, the other remote. the one that gives me orgasms.
you can keep the one for the tv.
on a related note:
Americans' Sexual Behavior
Sex outdoors/public places 57%
Discuss fantasies 51%
Faked orgasm (women) 48%
Sexually adventurous 42%
First-date sex 29%
Paid for sex (men) 15%
Paid for sex (single men, 30+) 30%
57% ? that's higher than i expected.
(guilty)
better than cheeseball duets
not, however, better than cheez balls. i'm telling you people, this is just getting weird. is the OC to blame ? does anyone watch/like that show ? excuse the ignorance, i live in a cultural vacuum.
will YOU make my teeth feel funny ?
attention bulemics, tar-zhey frequenters, and the solid-fowl averse population (comme moi): HELP IS ON THE WAY. an "overwhelming" response to turkey and grrrrrravy soda ?
sick, america. just sick.
job application of the day
i'm trying to hire someone in france. it's true that applicants get about 2 minutes of your attention because there are too many to read. unless, that is, their application is particularly amusing:
Dear Ms. Annie Klaver,
You are currently looking for an Assistant Sales Manager for France, and therefore I apply for the position.
Reading through my Resume, you'll promply notice my sales original profile, multi-tasking oriented and curious, pushing me everyday to get involved into exciting and interesting new projects. And the project i see is worth applying: enhancing the brand position on the french market, advising and selling.
I am very enthousiastic thinking at participating to such sales performing of a company in which everyone can develop all its promising potential. I have experience of american companies (Ansys, Nike) and international environments. But most of all, I am familiar with e-marketing, sales and moving strings that help customers signing new orders is one of my skills. I can lead projects, trainings and work hard for achieving my goals, and even overpassing my targets. I like to impact directly on events, so I can get self-satisfaction and fruits of the loom.
Today I feel confortable with your advert for which I am the right person and would highly appreciate meeting you soon to talk about our respective expectations.
I'll stay at your disposal for further information.
Best regards,
xxxxx xxxxx (i don't want to publish the name)
i'll have to try harder to read these with some maturity.
job applications aren't supposed to turn you on, right ? at least he got the greeting right-- most of the applications are addressed to
Mr. Annie Klaver...
il faut y penser parfois
interesting.
and update your paranoia, people: now it will be gonzales reading your emails.
let's just hope he's kidding
because i haven't even thought about that screenplay yet.
the comments are amusing. or maybe i should go to bed.
UPDATE: well, i guess i'm not going to bed because i just read this, which is what inspired the posting and the comments in the first place. i only scanned the stats but the rest of it is worth reading if you care about the answer to the question posed in the title.
10.11.04
i uh-like-uh dawgs
ladies and gentlemen, the inimitable, outlandish, thoroughly and irreversibly whacked todd "the torso" engman, aka dad, aka daniel potter from the USO, aka fiancé to mrs. brown you've got a lovely daughter, has joined the blogosphere. for those of you who don't know him as more than an adventurous happy-go-smoke-up writer who needs only a liter and a half of looza juice and the “weekend special” at the rokerij to descend into madness, go read his blog-- if for no other reason than the fact that he and downtownmelbrown named their dog after the former president of france. awesome.
another pijnlijke dood...
i feel compelled to comment more about the national sentiment in holland right now. after the filmmaker theo van gogh was shot, had his neck slit, and then pierced in the chest with the same blade, essentially tacking the combined dutch and arabic murder note to his body, the dutch are understandably outraged. mosques are being firebombed, as are muslim schools. in beautiful downtown rotterdam, a city composed of more than 45% non-dutch, mostly arab immigrants, police guard the islamic center, the central mosque on the river, and several mostly-arab schools. just this morning, there was a grenade that exploded in the hague, seriously injuring 3 police officers. although i can only comprehend about 60% of the dutch newspapers, the general consensus, echoed by the dutch people i know, is that the mentality and instinctual reaction to a growing fundamentalist population in holland during the past 10 years was first to not care. but "not care" in the laissez-faire, open and accepting culture sense more than the shunning and active disengagement sense. this attitude is so typical dutch. one could run down the street with a pack of wild dogs, buck naked and hair on fire without even catching a second glance. i'm not exaggerating; you do what you want to do and let everyone else do the same. up until, including, and after the assassination of the politician pim fortuyn in 2002 for what is widely believed to be his staunch anti-immigrant policy, including a platform with the now-famous slogan, "the netherlands are full," typical dutch reaction was to talk about it, not do anything, talk about it some more, and then still not do anything. but relatively recently, within the last year, the politicos decided they needed to take action in the 4 big cities that make up holland (amsterdam, rotterdam, utrecht, the hague) where they saw incoming saudi bank wires and "no go" zones in the cities on the rise. again as is their nature, the dutch studied the culture-- went to the most fundamentalist mosques, frequented the local hangouts, studied the immigration patterns, and generally tried to answer the question "who are these people and why are they causing so much trouble ?"
again, this theo van gogh guy was no saint himself. as i understand, he once had a very public and ongoing spat with a famous homosexual member of the dutch art community. after a particularly nasty exchange, mr. van gogh thought it a hot idea to publish this gentleman's obituary in a major dutch newspaper, saying the poor sod had died a very pijnlijke dood from AIDS. of course, the man was neither dead nor had AIDS, but this is the kind of trick van gogh liked to pull. while that anecdote is neither here nor there, the point is that his brutal, public and message-driven death appears to be the coup de grace for a country who admits to waiting too long to address a growing problem. although the conservative party is now in power (pay attention stoners), they are taking a decidedly socialist attitude as they sift through the backlog, emotion, and recommended courses of action to prevent another such outrageous attack. although they'd like to go back to eating their kookjes, drinking their koffie, and tending their tulips, holland is now forced to confront an issue too long ignored, for whatever reason, by the government. my guess is that the french are next; their refusal to publicly open the issue of immigration to government discourse is even worse than holland's. but that's another post. ja hoor.
if you want to read more, instapundit's last post of november 9th has several thought-provoking links. and here's the ubiquitous nyt link.
UPDATE: van gogh's video here. an interesting point was made at dinner tonight (the frenchies and an irish gent) that the dutch were perhaps waiting for a reason to lash out at islam and its followers. while they may have wanted to do so after pim fortuyn's assassination, nothing materialize because the assassin was dutch. now that the perpetrator was an islamic extremist, the rules, and consequential reactions, have changed. we'll see. i'm certainly not going to the hague this weekend-- the situation seems to still be quite tense there. better film link.
UPDATE DEUCE: standoff ended in the "i'll chop your head off" hague. jesus.
hillary in 2008
...and, it seems from reports from the future, 2012.
9.11.04
oh the hilarity of it all
two things have made me laugh hysterically in the last 2 minutes.
1. the warning on the cigarette pack: roken kan leiden tot een langzame, pijnlijke dood.
ok, so "pijnlijke dood" is a phrase i really need to incorporate into ij-speak immediately. of course i'll have to think of another meaning instead of its translation (painful death).
2. this. ahahahahahahaha. omg, can't breathe, can't breathe. hahaaaaaaa.
greetings from melinda gates
TOTALLY WIRELESS MELINDA GATES
YYYYYYYYES !!!!!!!
now i'm going to run around my whole apt and see where it works.
i am such a nerd.
omg ! omg !
OMG UPDATE: PUTER WORKS IN THE HOPPER.
8.11.04
fire in the disco, fire in the taco bell
i just read over the past week of postings or should i say the last weak of postings. what a load of crap, seriously. i was all ready to tell you, my devoted readers, all about dutch customer service, why people from new york are lame, and some more stealth ways to call people prostitutes. but i think people finally started noticing that i'm back from the summer and holy shit i am so busy putting out fires all over the place. i actually speed-walked to the printer today. that's so embarrassing and it won't happen again, but today is one day i'm glad i'm not hungover. so this blog will continue to be regurgitated crap from emails you people send me until i have time write about the wonders of euroland.
i know we don't vote in their elections
but still...
7.11.04
from the unabomber to sub pop
so, since i'm 3 days behind on everything, you guys have all prolly read this already, ja hoor ? does anyone know an employee of the USPS ? cause that would be a sweet show to see, if for nothing else but the surreal factor. quickly, this is something i noticed when i was back in the US. not only was the yyys' "maps" playing at mcdonalds when i stopped to pee (tmi ?), but neko case was playing at the airport when i was in line for security.
can someone tell me what gives ?
UPDATE: so, what is the unabomber reference in the title you asked ? this.
locked out !
dudes, i don't know why but i was locked out of blogger for 3 days. kept getting an error message. wtf. so of course, ol' blogger lets me back in when i'm at the apt which, although i'm paying for wireless, only has dial-up access. i'll write about the wonders of dutch customer service tomorrow when it doesn't cost me 296 euros/month to use the interwebs. anyway.
have you guys read about the street murder of controversial dutch filmmaker theo van gogh (yes, distantly related) ? there's all this talk now in holland about how rules are too lax and especially too lax for those pesky foreigners (ahem). all over western europe, there is a pervading, long-ignored issue that more frequently rears its frustrated head. most dutch people i know have no problem coming out and telling you that they hate immigrants. david and i were kinda shocked the first time we heard them talk about it so openly and unabashedly. the sad thing is that it does threaten the dutch laissez-faire culture which is one of the most functional and well-preserved in the world. some say it's another case of a few people "ruining it" for everyone. but to be fair, theo van gogh's subject matter was rather controversial and to expose this kind of abuse towards women in such an overt and quasi-exposé way is bound to mobilize those who are already on the brink of lashing out against the society that buries and shuns them. still, though, violence is generally an inexcusable and desperate method which is bound to earn you disdainful, even fearful, attention rather than the true reform and acceptance they seek.
sorry, but can't do story links right now until i get my freeeeeeakin wireless fixed.
4.11.04
under the radar
uh oh.
(via tree)
sauvons les poissons !
doesn't anyone else think this is interesting ???
this convention is open for amendment for the first time this month. now that NC good old boy jesse helms has thankfully retired, the US is finally taking a more active role in these conventions and, you know, we really need to ratify this shit. alternatively, we could explain to our children why countries like landlocked austria convincingly staked claims to vast oil deposits underneath the continental ice block of antarctica and oh by the way, we need to go drilling in alaska or find another oil-rich country that needs some gosh darn liberty and freedom. the law of the sea have a direct impact on US national security and access to that sweet sweet black gold. so let's do it, people. let's just try to work with the international community. are you with me ?
or am i left with only my good friend Uncomfortable Silence, like after telling robot jokes at business dinners ?
UPDATE: Uncomfortable Silence, would you please pass the pepper ?
bush "unredefeated"
so, no big surprise there.
now we get to see what bush unleashed is like.
time to start that hillary campaign, then...
what a week for wisco: first halloween, then this:
not the worst idea i've ever heard:
telling and neat, neat pic:
2.11.04
who's zoomin' who, or the revolution will be posted
so much for the power of the fourth estate.
perhaps they should look into buying a new home.
the guardian has more.
ici si tu parles français.
klik hier voor nederlands.
und ja, auf deutsch.
the beeb has a good graphic here.
all eyes are on wisco. (froskoid, i CAN'T believe you're not voting)
daily show clips here and here.
11th hour stumping for liberty and french approval here.
and go watch the now classic this land one more time for inspiration.
the europeans in the meguiar's holland office weighed in today, by the way, and are absolutely incredulous that the race is so close. in fact, none of them really see the difference between the two.
UPDATE: el frosk mas grande del mundo will vote. dood.
UPDATE DEUCE: matt's got an interesting quiz. i beat him, too (55%).
if music is my lover, you are just a tease.
the great cornholio
here's your poop fix for the day... no, it doesn't directly have to do with poop, but you know how free association goes. i'm sorry but when you're a member of the american cornhole association you've just got to think about giving the game a rest and that all-corn diet another try.
and substituting for cheeseburgers today will be lorena bobbit. er, buena bobbita, her el salvadorian cousin.
1.11.04
T-21 days
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
(!)
cadbury surprise
i know it's misogynistic and sick and wrong, but maddox's new post is up and it's hilariously irreverent as usual. there's also a pumpkin made of beef jerky.
we're just glad grrrrampa didn't fart
horizontal bieber and all... aww, you guys are zee best club...
i don't think we need to be subliminibile...
ok, ok, after the 3rd time in 1 day that a link's sent, i'll post it.
that goes for porn too, in case you're wondering.
go play with dubya's flubyas here.
the best i did was 3. what ? it's kinda hard.
whatever, go play it if you think you can do better.
instead of whisking via email
i'll whisk via posting.
who's bored ? who would rather complete surveys than work ? who's bored working on surveys ?
well whatever you are, your friendly uw law professor althouse posted this survey.
maybe she got it from glenny, they've been having a love fest these days...
reason #13 why i might miss holland
carbonated iced tea.
choooooooooo dood.
lost in translation
why kurds would vote for bush here.
looking for a brand new home ?
some things just never stop being hilarious.
